Where Is Justin? - Carving up the Mobile App Turkeys of 2010

Why is it a turkey? Arguably the most reckless and irresponsible application in the entire App Store, Where Is Justin? merits severe criticism not because it encourages stalker-like behavior but because it promotes the career of demon-spawn Justin Bieber, the hirsute pop heartthrob sent from the strange foreign land of Canada to corrupt the hearts, minds and musical taste of America's youth. Touting location-specific updates on Bieber's movements complete with fan photo submissions and "fun facts," Where Is Justin? essentially documents every waking moment in the life of the 16-year-old chart sensation, whose surfeit of hair disguises his complete absence of singing ability. "Compete for high scores to see who knows soonest when Justin moves and who can submit the best pictures" the app commands--it's a veritable paparazzi starter kit.

Don't believe Bieber's tuneless, toothless pop is warping young minds? Consider these user endorsements, all copied verbatim from the App Store comments section:

• "I love this app!! It let's me know where Justin bieber is! I kind of feel like a stalker!! LoLz"
• "This app is awesome!! I luv knowing where he is. Also, all the pics r adorable!!! This is a great stalking app. Jk, u don't want to stalk him he travels all the time!! (unless ur willing 2)"
• "This is my fav app! It has a lot da pictures (I love that) and tells u where Justin is . Deff not WAST OF MONEY! 1 thing about it I wish it would update more like it will say he is one place 4-ever . But I still loVE ittt! So all ya BIEBER <3's get this app!!!!"
• "It is cool but DO NOT UPDATE!! he's in japan right? Well it's a few weeks and it says he is in Calgary!! I mean come on!! And the other day He was in hawii and it still said the same thing!! Calgary!! So DO NOT UPDATE IT!!"

Hey, Telience--how about a Justin Bieber application that promotes grammar and spelling while you're at it? One only hopes the developer continues supporting Where Is Justin? through 2013 or so, by which time all updates and photos will document Bieber's inevitable future gig--working as a fry cook at an Applebee's somewhere outside of Moose Jaw.

 (Telience)